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Where Is It?

January 17, 2009

The other day while I was walking my dog I was thinking about how short God OF War was on the PSP then I started thinking where is the awesome Viking game we should have had by now. If you looking at Gamerankings the last three Viking games are in the 60’s while Rygar and God Of War are running up there in to 90’s and 80’s. Greek stuff is cool, but Vikings are totally brutal and awesome and I don’t get what’s going on here. Are people saying I don’t want to copy God Of War when I make my Viking game because I want it to be all original? It’s that what’s going on? Well, the thing is God OF War is it. It’s the blueprint for action games from now on. Is that bad? No, that’s awesome. If you can’t play God OF War you might as well play something just as fantastic! Plus, if you make it a Viking game then it’ll be nothing like God OF War. Totally different people. Totally different landscape. Totally different vibe all around. So, I thought up a formula for making a Viking that will rule and since I don’t have the resources to make it myself maybe somebody will see it and make the awesomest Viking game ever! It takes twelve easy steps.

1. Go read Walt Simoson’s entire run on The Mighty Thor comic book. Zen out on it. Then keep it in mind while you make the game.

2. Open the game up with the Immigrant Song. Let it run trough the thousand plus logos that’ll be on there and then on the very last note let the Start or Continue pop up it’s impossible for anyone not to get pumped up for brutal slaughter after listening to that jam.

3. Copy God Of War’s camera.

4. Copy God Of War’s controls.

5. Copy God Of War’s scope.

6. Copy God Of War’s magic attacks.

7. Copy God Of War’s health and magic recovery, check points, and save system

8. Copy God Of War’s scope.

9. Substitute the Chaos Blades for battle axes or hammers or one hammer and one axe. Either way, hammers or axes one for each hand.

10. Put some runes, Valkyries, and Norse gods in it.

11. Vikings have an end of the world scenario so all you have to do is make it so the main character has to stop it.  Done and done.

12. At the end run your credits on the Immigrant Song again.

So there you go. Twelve easy steps for making a viking game that’ll own the universe. Hopefully somebody somewhere will make a game like this before I die!

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