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Critic Critique Part Trois

May 29, 2008

So last time I left off with two games that were pretty much the same, but got polar opposite reviews which I theorize is based solely on the reviewers feelings on any given day and not on any checklist or standardized criteria. Now there are two other sides to this already multi-sided critic coin and that is loving for loving’s sake and hating for hating’s sake. Critics love Pixar movies. No critic would DARE give a Pixar movie a bad review, but the thing is after you see one Pixar movie you’ve seen them all because here’s the story to every Pixar movie ever made. Somebody loses something or something gets lost and that something has to either get retrieved or find it’s way home. It’s the same with Grand Theft Auto. No one would ever give Grand Theft Auto a bad review even though game after game you’re a murderer who has to murder people to become the biggest murderer in the the game. Then there’s the flip side of loving for loving’s sake and that’s hating for hating’s sake and no one gets hated on more than Uwe Boll. Uwe Boll can do nothing right. Every critic loves to hate Uwe Boll. I’ve seen a lot of Uwe Boll movies. All the video game movies. I can agree that the first ones aren’t good movies, but they were good for laughs. I had a good time watching Uwe Boll movies with my friend’s and laughing. Then something weird happened. I noticed that Bloodrayne was actually better than The House Of The Dead, and In The Name Of The King was better than Bloodrayne! What’s this? Uwe Boll is improving. You would never know this if Uwe Boll didn’t make bad movies first. Even Peter Jackson made bad movies before he made Lord Of The Rings. Go watch Bad Taste if you don’t believe me. Now Peter Jackson is a media darling, but Uwe Boll can’t get a leg up no matter how hard he tries and Postal looks like it’s going to be awesome. Still no critic can see any value in Uwe Boll movies, the can’t see cheap laughs with pals, or his improvements, but Uwe Boll didn’t care. He just kept on making movies and doing what he loved shaking off all the negative criticism and I respected him for doing that. Finally, though, one bad review was one too many, so Uwe Boll did the something I think everybody wishes they had the guts to do. He challenged his top five negative reviewers to a boxing match and they became his whipping boy instead of his being theirs for once! That’s what a man does and that’s what made me respect Uwe Boll most of all. So what’s the point of these three posts about critics wherein even I gave my personal reviews of Dawn Of Mana, Heavenly Sword, Grand Theft Auto, Pixar, and Uwe Boll movies. The point is in today’s economic atmosphere where every dollar counts? I think the point is you should do a lot of research, trust yourself, and trust your friends, and  be more  critical of critics that you don’t personally know because you might end up spending a lot of money on a bad game, see the same movie for the 20th time, miss out on a great game, or pass up a chance to have some good laughs on a Saturday afternoon with friends while simultaneously experiencing the evolution of a movie director named Uwe Boll.

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